Carrying Your Sins
by littlekitsune1
Summary: She told him on that day so long ago, that she wanted to carry his sins with him, even if it meant being punished...


A/N: Hmm... Not much to say about this one. I wanted to write something a little dark, to get out the icky feelings that have been plaguing me recently. I'm not sure if it turned into an effective story, but it sure felt good to write! And don't worry, I managed to weasel in a happy ending for y'all. Lyrics in the beginning are from an Evanescence song called "We'll Be Together Again." I'm also working under the impression that once they died, the price became void and Sakura's childhood memories of Syaoran were returned to her.

...

_I've found a world_  
_Where love and dreams and darkness all collide_  
_Maybe this time_  
_We can leave our broken world behind_  
_We'll be together again..._  
_All just a dream in the end..._

_...  
_

He was leaving. She'd begged him not to, with both her voice; raw and tight with a thousand different emotions, and her eyes; bright with tears as she fought against the powers of the feather, the remnant of happier, more carefree days swirling maliciously with the painful images she'd just been forced to witness. This boy she thought she'd known had just committed countless atrocities against the people she held as dear as her own family, against her, and yet she still gripped his hand as he turned to leave. Still wanted him to stay, as he willfully tried to walk out of her life forever.

His mismatched eyes whirled around to pierce hers with an intensity that had her temporarily afraid he would turn that blade - darkened with fresh blood - on her. His eyes... As soon as she'd seen that eye, she'd known, on an instinctive level, what he'd done. But then they softened... It was only for a second, but his brow tightened in such a way that left her no doubt he was struggling with something. Himself? Her entire body still trembled, and she knew on some detached level that she was going into shock, but she held gazes with him. Immediately upon touching him she'd sensed the poison in his mind, and if she looked away now, it would completely overtake him and he'd be gone forever.

But even as she looked at him, pleaded with him, his gaze hardened again and he ripped his hand away from her grasp. And then he was gone, and she reached for the empty space he'd been as the darkness took her.

Down and down she sank... Until she was in a place with nothing but pain, physical blended with emotional, as her body broke over and over. Her leg shattered to pieces - her nails, her face... crippling her until she could only crawl in the Darkness, reaching out for her anchor; the days where she could be soothed into serenity by amber eyes and the warm smile that made her feel like she could overcome anything.

An explosive pressure shattered the illusion, pushing against her belly until she finally had to let loose a scream of agony as it pierced her body, pulverizing her organs and ripping through her spine when it emerged from the other side of her with a sickening wet crunch. Her cries echoed hollowly, swallowed up by the inky blackness until they may as well not have existed at all, but for the dull ringing in her ears. She reached out for the comforting smile, but it only melted away, turning into the blood that ran down her midsection, overflowing even as she gripped her stomach, trying to keep the precious liquid inside her. She knew her body was dying; her soul fleeing the draining husk just in time to see it shatter like a fragile mirror piece, just another thing for the Darkness to greedily consume.

Her spirit felt light, and floated blissfully away towards the phantom image of honey-colored eyes. His smiling face reflected on the blade of a familiar sword - a sword that had protected her many times - and her breath escaped her in a sigh, a simultaneous heave, of relief. The brand reflected many things; fonder memories, memories without the pain and Darkness, memories of its wielder. She threw herself at it, and it rose to meet her halfway like a long-lost lover, embedding itself easily into her heart. Her smile was mysterious even to her, the tears leaking from her closed eyelids ones of immense respite as strong arms came around her shoulders, driving the blade further through her body as they pulled her into a familiar embrace. Opening fading eyes, her sight was filled with tender amber orbs and a loving smile, and the words surged forward, unbidden as he looked down at her.

_"I love y-"_

...

Sakura awoke with a start, shooting upright and breathing heavily. The dream's intensity left her body in a rush, abandoning her to shiver as the sweat rapidly chilled against her heated skin. Choking back a sob, she buried her face in her hands and shook. She'd been having these dreams of her past life for as long as she could remember - some happy, some like tonight's - but they had only grown in ferocity when she'd hit high school, until she didn't want to sleep ever again. Not without him there when she woke up.

The jade-eyed girl peeled back her pajama top, exposing her naked flesh to the darkness, and ran trembling fingers over the angry red birthmark covering her heart.

"Syaoran..."

…

Her name, previously blanked out by the miasma that had clouded his mind, suddenly slammed through it until it was all he could think about. Blood blossomed across her chest like the flower she was named for, and when he looked down to see what had murdered her, he saw his own hand attached to the object. His other self screamed out his horror but he could only stare at the katana, steadily darkening with the life essence... _Her _life essence.

She turned to comfort the other boy, speaking soft words that he could not hear over the heady dripping of red rubies that seemed amplified in his ears. He watched in sick fascination as her blood soaked her front, slid down his sword and dribbled to the unforgiving earth below.

_Drip... Drip... Drip..._

She turned emerald eyes to him, beautiful even when darkened with sadness and death. He heard what she said, but it didn't matter; that she was man-made like him didn't make her blood stop falling; any less real. It didn't make him any less guilty for spilling it.

_Drip... Drip... Drip..._

And then she was in his arms, having collapsed towards him with the last of her strength. He caught her wordlessly, still staring at where his sword had been embedded in her breast. He couldn't breathe, couldn't look at her face - already rapidly decaying into a thousand sakura petals. They occasionally fluttered into his periphery of vision, making him tremble; and yet he still couldn't look at her as she spoke to him, reassuring him that it wasn't over, even as he'd been the one to cut her down. He didn't understand.

The Darkness swirled around in his mind, trying to corrupt it again, before it was almost gently pushed aside again by her cheek brushing against his, her breath warm and moist on his ear, as she spoke the words he'd never gotten to hear so long ago.

_"I love y-"_

His shivering arms were left empty then, and the warmth against his face was gone. Nothing but petals remained of the girl, caressing his face forlornly, as gentle as her fingertips, and he finally looked down. His twisted heart pounded dangerously against the quivering flesh of his chest, threatening to break free. Not one trace of her face remained to offer him comfort, or for him to offer it to in her hour of need. Why hadn't he looked down sooner? An ethereal glow caught his eye, as though one of her fragments sensed his anguish and still sought to soothe him. He reached out, grasping it and bringing it to his face. It glowed warmly in his hand, and the Darkness in his mind was broken down until only a memory of her smile was left careening through his soul.

He gripped all he had left of her to his chest, and he screamed. He screamed until it was all he could ever, or would ever hear.

The Darkness was shoved from inside of him, expelling into the air to latch onto anything and everything greedily. And then he felt nothing again.

He sank willingly, into the oblivion of pitch black. Down to where he could hold her little light in peace, without the screaming of his old companions. It pulsed gently in his hand, and emitted even more brilliance, whispering to him, compelling him to protect what was left of the light in his heart. Her whispers blended with those of _that man_, and he clung to her voice until he could feel the other one sear red hot with anger at his negligence. Bodies surrounded him, twisted and mangled; the people he'd murdered. There was the flash of a blade, and pain erupted in his midsection. He welcomed it, as his dying person descended to the same depth as her, to where her light pierced the ever-present Darkness, soothed the souls of the dead, and caressed his skin with warmth. His lips turned up into a smile as he felt the void release him when he was touched by her essence. His body shattered like it was made of stone, still cradling the cherry blossom petal to himself.

_"Thank y-"_

…

Syaoran's eyes snapped open, and it took a whole minute for them to adjust to the darkness of his room. His arms were still around himself - around the phantom of her - when he became aware that it had been a dream; a memory of his past. Sitting up slowly, the young man pushed back his sweaty bangs and brought his hands up to trace the tear tracks that ran down his face.

Pulling his left hand away, he stared at his palm, where he could still imagine the warmth that had emanated from Sakura's fragmented soul. Tightening it into a fist, his breathing was ragged as he brought it to his chest, to rest over his heart.

"Sakura..."

…

_"... There's someone I want to meet."_

It was spoken so softly that she wasn't sure if she'd even said it out loud.

"You really do like cherry blossoms, don't you Sakura-san? Is it because of your name?"

The young woman clutched a petal to her, looking up into the branches, lightly swaying in the breeze.

"There's that, too, but... cherry blossoms are..." The wind shifted, bringing with it a feeling she couldn't explain. She turned. Someone was walking down the steps, towards her, but she couldn't see his face. Still, she knew, on a spiritual level, who he was, and the emotions that flowed through her were so overwhelming that she brought her hands to her face and tears sprung up in her eyes, unheeded.

His face came into view. Bright amber eyes settled on her, and for a moment he looked as staggered as she knew she must. But then it melted away into a heart-rendingly beautiful smile and he opened his arms wordlessly. She was in them before either of them could breathe, holding each other for all they were worth.

"I've finally... found you..." Her words were choked, and she hadn't even realized at first that she'd spoken in their old language. But she didn't know if he'd still be able to understand her, anyway, being raised in a different country in this lifetime. His chest heaved against hers, and she knew he was probably fighting back his own emotions.

"Yes..."

Her heart soared. He'd responded in the same language, his voice rich with Clow's accent, as it had been before their time in Mokona's company; as it had been in a time when they'd grown up together.

"It's been so long, but... I always believed... Believed that I would find you again."

They pulled away to look into each others' eyes, aged beyond their years with pain and hardship, and each felt more whole than they had in a lifetime.

_Even if I have to suffer for your sins with you... I still want to be together._

The words she'd spoken to him so long ago echoed in her mind.

…

Syaoran opened the sliding door to their home with a halting breath, eyes scanning for the object of his concern. He always felt this way when he left her, like fate would come and snatch her away the instant he left her side again.

She was in the garden, and indeed in good health. Health enough to eagerly tackle him to the ground, at least.

"Sya-o-ran!" she chirped. Some things never changed, no matter how old they got. "I missed you! How was your day? Did you remember to eat a proper lunch? You didn't overwork yourself, did you?"

"You know you really should stop doing that, now," he interrupted her, laying a hand on her belly, the slight swelling hidden by the folds of her traditional robes.

She blinked at him for a moment, surprised to have her prattling cut off by the usually overly-polite man, before her head tilted to the side to accompany her cheerful smile. "I'm fine. You worry too much."

"But-"

"Besides, I always land on something soft," she stated brightly, poking him lightly in the ribs to stress her point. He didn't smile back, but the tension did ease out of his body, and Sakura kicked her legs merrily in the air for a few seconds before finally letting him up.

"Welcome home."

The smile he'd been suppressing, trying to stay upset at her, finally came, lighting up his eyes. "I'm home, you two."

…

Night found Sakura propped up on her pillow, eyes closed with a contented smile playing on her lips and fingers threading through soft chocolate locks. Syaoran was fast asleep, curled against her with his cheek resting on her slightly distended tummy, and she treasured these times most, when his brow remained smooth in slumber and no past damnations plagued his thoughts. They'd lessened once the two had finally reunited, and even more so once she'd become with child, but occasionally the Darkness still invaded both of their dreams.

He'd asked her once, why it was that she stayed with him after he'd caused her to relive such pain, even now. She'd only shrugged and responded, "If they must be called sins, maybe they're too heavy to burden just one person. I told you long ago that I wanted to carry them with you."

She wasn't sure if he'd fully understood, but he'd never asked again.

The baby fluttered, and she froze as she once again found the fragmented pieces of a vision trying feebly to come together in her mind. She hadn't told Syaoran, since she couldn't make sense of what her heart was trying to tell her yet. Still, she didn't want to worry him just yet, if she could avoid it. The baby fluttered against her belly again, but the images did not come a second time.

She sometimes wondered if these shreds of a vision were just the nightmares trying to manifest themselves again. Prophetic dreams were a touchy thing, after all, and she hadn't had one in this lifetime, before. Syaoran stirred against her for a few seconds, and she briefly worried, before he re-settled with a smile on his face. She felt one of her own bubbling up from deep within her heart.

Even if the Darkness returned, they had each other, now. They would always be there when the other woke up.


End file.
